THE RAMBLINGS OF ROSSTRADAMUS

The Giants beat the Jets 35-24 at the sun-soaked Meadowlands this past Sunday, and although I left the stadium thinking the Giants might not be so terrible, there were no such doubts concerning the Jets. They stink on ice. Consider this: Eli Manning had a whopping three completions in the first half, none to WRs. One to someone named Michael Matthews (yeah, who?) for 6 yards, one to Derrick Ward for a four-yard loss, and one to Jeremy Shockey for a 20-yard gain. That’s it--22 yards of passing in the first half. Still, I never thought the Giants would lose. Brandon Jacobs returned for the Giants…and then the Jets returned his first quarter fumble for a TD to open the scoring. “Here—take 7 points!” Certainly, it wasn’t a fun experience…not what you expect on a harmless 3rd and 1… Still, I never thought the Giants would lose. After a Jets dink and dunk, “drive” which resulted in a missed Mike “They’d cut me if they weren’t so embarrassed they wasted a 2nd round pick on me” Nugent field goal, the Giants ran the ball down the field, scoring on a Derrick Ward eight-yard run. After some more offensive futility by both teams, the Jets scored on a Brad Smith reception with 33 seconds left in the half. Still, I never thought the Giants would lose. Following another mediocre Giants kick return (will they EVER have a game-breaker back there?) the Giants decided to go into the locker room down only a TD. And by “down only a TD” I mean “inexplicably decided to throw a short pass over the middle which, even if it was completed, served NO purpose.” Was this Manning’s fault? Was it Coughlin’s? YES! If you’re going to call a play with that little time left perhaps, I dunno, THROW THE BALL DOWN THE FIELD!? My friend sitting next to me insists Coughlin called the “safe” pass play because if he’d done what he wanted to and kneeled on the ball, the crowd would have booed. I don’t know if I agree with that, but when the Jets kicked a FG to go in at halftime up 10, I was pissed at the sloppiness and cavalier attitude displayed by the men in blue. Could they think, after one decent win, that they could just walk out there and win without playing solid football? They were down 10 points and playing like crap. Still, I never thought the Giants would lose. Why? Because all the Jets can do is move down the field 3 yards at a time and when you do that, your margin for error is very, very small. There’s no threat of any big play being broken, because there are no game-breakers on that team. You cannot win in the NFL without a player who instills fear in the opposition. Thomas Jones is, and always will be, a three-yards-a-carry back. Chad Pennington cannot throw a long pass and the medium range passes he throws, while accurate, are in the air for too long, allowing defenders to race to the ball. There was no pressure on Pennington all day—the Giants had one sack—yet he threw three AWFUL interceptions. With those two as the primary offensive players, there is no way the Jets can compete with decent teams. The second half began with the Giants running the ball at will, pulling to within three on a Brandon Jacobs 19-yard plough. Here we go…now the defense will get a stop, we’ll get the ball back…oh…what’s that--a Leon Washington kickoff return for a TD to restore the Jets 10-point lead? Wow. 90% of the time, when something like this happens, the team giving up the TD loses focus, the fans start preparing for the worst… Still, I never thought the Giants would lose. When Shockey hauled in a 13-yard TD pass to once again cut the margin to three, the whole stadium knew it was only a matter of time before the Giants took over; and that’s not to say the Giants are some wonderful team…they’re clearly not. It’s only to say that the Jets are a bad football team with no direction and no identity on either side of the ball. It’s too bad, really, that Mangini refuses to see this. If he did, he’d surely get Leon Washington more involved with the offense and would immediately bench Chad Pennington in favor of Kellen Clemens. Do I know that Clemens will be The Answer? Of course not…But I know that Pennington is not the quarterback the Jets think he is. He will not ever become that QB and the Jets will never be anything beyond ordinary with him at the helm. What exactly is Mangini waiting for? Subpar play from a weak-armed QB + Obviously not making the playoffs + Younger QB waiting in the wings with a much better arm = No-brainer. Anyway, after the Jets tried to dink and dunk their way down the field, Aaron Ross picked off a Pennington toss, Plaxico Burress stiff armed…no, that doesn’t do it justice… Burress BITCH ARMED Andre Dyson, and the Giants were in the lead for good despite their shoddy play. Ross sealed the win with his 2nd interception of a Pennington helium balloon, but come on…were the Jets going to score again anyway? “We just fell apart there at the end” said Pennington. Who’s “WE” Chad? Do you have a mouse in your pocket? When you throw five yard passes all the way down the field, you have to throw more passes than a team that throws for a variety of yardages…Add to that the fact that the Jets run the ball for two yards a carry, and there’s simply too much that can go wrong with all of those pass attempts. And it HAS gone very wrong for the Jets. Next up, the angry Eagles and I’m telling you Jets fans now—it will be Pennington’s last game as the starter. Get ready for Kellen Clemens the rest of the way.

This week’s rant on officiating focuses on the “force out” rule. College has simplified this rule—if you don’t land with a foot in bounds, it’s an incomplete pass. End of story. In the NFL, for some reason, the idiots who run things have decided against using the college rule. Instead, they’ve decided to let yet one more thing be decided by the officials and their judgment. Why? Why let judgment decide when you can avoid it? This is one thing that can be taken away from the officials—if you land out of bounds because you’re forced out, that should be a good defensive play. It shouldn’t be a decision for a ref to make. When judgment calls can be eradicated, they should be. These refs cannot get calls right, hell, they cannot even get REPLAY calls right…so WHY LET THEM HAVE ONE MORE THING TO SCREW UP when you can easily make the rule read, “If both feet do not land in bounds, regardless of the cause, the pass is incomplete.” Done. Easy. Clear. No need for time wasting conferences to discuss the physics of force and how it applies to the sideline catch. No need for officials to make ridiculous decisions like the ones made against Plaxico Burress and Terrell Owens this past week. Hmmm--two guys with bad reputations had judgment calls go against them…interesting. Ridiculous! Officials have a hard enough time dealing with the games—take one thing out of their hands. I’m begging you NFL!! BEGGING!

Around the league…The Steelers proved they are a legit third entry in the AFC Championship sweepstakes. The crush job they put on Seattle was a thorough one—the Pittsburgh D held Seattle to 144 yards of offense. Shaun Alexander had 11 carries for 25 yards. That’s a loooong way from the MVP season of a couple of years ago, isn’t it? The Steelers offense kept the ball for over 40 minutes, executing several long drives, including one for over 10 minutes which resulted in a TD. Did I mention the Steelers did this without Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes, their two starting receivers? And did I mention they did this without safety Troy Polamalu and nose tackle Casey Hampton on defense? Well…they did. Seattle proves time and time again that they’re soft, allowing themselves to be pushed around the field. Those who picked them to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl must now realize that this team doesn’t possess the toughness to reach the heights.

In the nation’s capital, the Redskins throttled the Lions, 34-3. Jason Campbell continues to improve, making smart decisions. His numbers: 23-29 for 248 yard, 2 TDs and more importantly, no interceptions. He achieved these numbers without Santana Moss, who was injured, and his ability to take what was given to him has the ‘Skins sitting at 3-1, well on their way to securing a playoff birth. When you see Mike Sellers stampede over Kenoy Kennedy, and then see the Redskins react to it as a team—I think something is going on in Washington. Some are surprised by their defensive resurgence, but if you think about it, a couple of seasons ago they were an up-and-coming unit…then last season, injuries decimated them. They are still an injury or two away from being below average defensively, but for now, they’re looking like a defense that can make some plays in January.

The Texans beat the pathetic Dolphins 22-19, and they did so on the foot of Kris Brown, who kicked three field goals of over 50 yards. Brown also had an injection at halftime, so now he’s a gamer too. Yay kickers! Once upon a time, kicking a 50-yarder was a big deal. Now, it seems to be easy. Better conditioning? Juiced footballs? Who knows? Anyway, Trent Green was knocked unconscious when he tried to block Travis Johnson of the Texans at the knees. True, Green’s block was legal AND a cheap shot—sweeping the knee, to use the Karate Kid vernacular, is not cool. I don’t care if you’re a QB—that’s a career-ending injury waiting to happen. That being said, for Johnson to dance over a CLEARLY unconscious Green, then after the game say “(bleep) Trent Green!” is embarrassing to the league and something should be done about it. The penalty Johnson got for taunting an unconscious and clearly seriously injured player—15 yards…the same as the penalty for an excessive TD celebration. Yeah, the NFL has its priorities straight.

I’ve been on the Jacksonville bandwagon since preseason, and I ain’t getting off now. The Jags won in KC—not easy to do even if Herm Edwards is the coach—and they did it playing Jags’ football. David Garrard played a steady game, Maurice Jones-Drew finally got the running game in gear, and the Jags’ D smothered Larry Johnson to the tune of 9 carries for 12 yards. The Chiefs broke the shutout with no time left on the clock and now Brodie Croyle will take over at QB with Damon Huard injured. Now Herm has the “But we were breaking in a new QB!” excuse for his team’s soon-to-be bad season. The 3-1 Jags will host the Texans this week before hosting Indianapolis Monday night in week 7. Could this be the dreaded “trap game” for the Jags? We shall see.

Ya know that “Messin’ with Sasquatch” ad, the one where the two guys pull over to give Sasquatch a ride, then pull away when he approaches the car, apologizing…then sucker the big guy again? That was the Patriots game against the Browns. The Pats race out to a 20-0 lead…then the Browns cut it to 20-10…only to see the Pats make it 27-10 before putting the icing on the cake (and covering the spread) with a last minute defensive score. Brady had 3 TDs again—it’s almost boring to him! It’s as if he said, “Let me see if I can throw 3 TDs to someone other than Moss today!” You think the Pats will have any trouble getting pumped up for their trip to Dallas this weekend? Cleveland played hard…but they can’t hang with the best. They have some weapons on offense, but YIKES—that defense! You can’t allow over 150 yards per game on the ground and expect results.

Cool story in Carolina. David Carr led the Panthers to a last-second victory over the winless Saints…after being nearly broken in half and having to get shot up at halftime. This came, in almost storybook fashion, days after Panthers’ defensive tackle Kris Jenkins called out his teammates, saying they had no heart among other things…Well now, Carr’s inspiring performance has galvanized the Panthers—leading Jenkins to say, “We’re a family, man…” Nothing brings a team together more than overcoming emotional adversity…except winning. If Carr continues to be upright (protected) and Steve Smith and he develop a chemistry as they seemed to be doing on Sunday…this team will win the NFC South by several games. As for the Saints…the brown bags may return—this is a terrible football team, with a QB playing the worst football of his career. I’m starting to think that last season the rest of the NFL let the Saints win. Either that, or some sort of Voodoo charm crap allowed them to make the NFC title game last season. There’s no other explanation!

Baltimore beat San Francisco 9-7. That’s five more words than this display of offensive offenses deserves. If the Ravens are simply going to have their offense play ultra-conservative football to allow their defense to produce points and field position…why not just have McNair kneel on the ball three times, punt and let the defense take over? Seriously! Enough of this game.

Ya know when you get invited to a party and even though you don’t want to go, you have to? And ya know the feeling you get when for some reason, someone informs you that you don’t have to go? You’re psyched that you don’t have to go, but you can’t let anyone know—you say, “Ohhhh! That’s a shame. I was really looking forward to going!” THAT is how the Arizona Cardinals coaching staff, and possibly players, felt when they discovered Matt Leinart would be missing some serious time with his broken collarbone. They have to be elated that the overrated Leinart is now out of the picture and that the more productive Kurt Warner is running the team. The Cards won on the road. True, it was against the shambolic Rams, but it’s still a win for a team that has struggled to win, especially away from the desert. They did it with a defensive score—a 68-yard pick six by Roderick Hood. Thanks Gus Frerotte. He puts the “rot” in Frerotte. Where are the Rams going? Ugh, what a disaster. At least Steven Jackson returns…sometime. Why even bother? Put him on IR and save those carries for a time when the team gets competitive. Seriously—there are only so many carries in each RBs tank—why waste Jackson’s in a 3-13 season if you don’t have to?

Indianapolis just continues their romp through the NFL, but for some reason the Patriots get all the press. Why? The Colts won the Super Bowl last season. They are unbeaten this season and have been just as impressive as New England—without the cheating! Perhaps it’s the East Coast bias. Whatever it is, I’m certain the Colts are thankful for it. Who needs unnecessary attention when you’re trying to repeat? Harrison and Addai are out? No problem: enter Anthony Gonzalez and Kenton Keith. The two unknowns led the Colts to a 33-14 waltz over the Bucs in Indy. See, that’s the great thing about being on the Colts…when stars on offense get hurt, everyone else gets excited because now THEY can step up and be the recipient of a Manning TD pass, or a TD run. There’s so much wealth to go around when Peyton Manning is running things--guys like Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne become the main players, subbing for Harrison and Addai, and the unknowns get their chance to score fantasy points galore…and they always do when Manning has the ball, which he did for 38 minutes of the game last Sunday. Tampa? They look to be a .500 team. Ho hum.

There was some crazy, ass-kicking football played in Denver. But it wasn’t played by the Broncos, it was played by the once-dormant Chargers. The volcano of San Diego erupted, taking out all of its angst on the literally defenseless Broncos at Invesco. Philip Rivers rushed for a TD to give the Bolts a 7-0 lead, and before the overrated Jay Cutler could even step on the field, it was 14-0 as the Chargers forced a fumble on the ensuing kickoff. Sure, Cutler would still have time to throw one of his trademark interceptions en route to yet another floundering performance, but essentially the game was over right there. The Broncos defense is being exposed—San Diego has 214 yards rushing, and 484 total yards. What’s worse, now Champ Bailey is injured and may miss some games. Not what the doctor ordered for a D that is giving up 187 yards a game on the ground. Ugh. Orange Crush they ain’t. Perhaps Fanta. LaDanian Tomlinson says this was the football we should expect from here on out from the Chargers. Hey Tomlinson…how about you stop talking, just for one week? You whined when the Pats beat you, you had something to say about the Pats “cheating” yet failed to mention that YOUR OWN TEAMMATE, Shawne Merriman, got suspended for cheating, you literally cried after a loss a couple of weeks ago, now this smack after a win …it’s enough out of you. You are averaging 3.4 yards a carry and less than 66 yards a game. I know you’re a stud, but seriously…be quiet.

It always pissed me off as a kid when the villains on Batman (the TV Show…yes, I’m old) would set up these elaborate ways to kill the Caped Crusader, then leave before they saw him actually killed. Why not either shoot him right then, or at least stay to watch his demise!? Well, Green Bay played the role of the Joker this past Sunday. How they will rue the day you let the Bears get off the mat. If ever you needed proof that turnovers will murder a win, there was the Packers/Bears game Sunday night. James Jones fumbled inside the 20-yard line after making a catch. The Packers were up 7-0 at the time, and were clearly going to score before Jones coughed it up. He would fumble again later…two fumbles by a WR in the same game? Someone check his bank account. The Packers blew the Bears off the field in the fist half, but the turnovers kept the Bears hanging in the game. Then came the Brett Favre interception we’ve all come to know—a simply ridiculous pass, thrown right to Brian Urlacher, who up to that point had been invisible in the game. That ill-advised pass may end up resurrecting the Bears’ season as they, to their credit, capitalized on the Packers five turnovers as best they could, winning 27-20 on a Brian Griese TD pass to Desmond Clark with a couple of minutes left. The Bears won despite being outgained 439-285, and despite Cedric Benson once again coming up quite soft. He complains that he wants the ball full time, then goes out and rushes 27 times for 64 yards. Come on. The guy’s a disaster. The Bears have Minnesota this coming week, and will level their record. The Packers will be kicking themselves for their performance.

And finally, we have the Cowboys. Buffalo—I have some advice for you. Leave. Just let that team move to Portland, or somewhere else far away from you. They’re cursed…destined to break hearts and lose games. Tony Romo throws 5 interceptions—two that were returned for TDs—and fumbled once…and the Bills ran a kick back for a TD…and still managed to piss the game away with insane play calls and the failure to recover an onside kick. Trent Edwards, who was doing a fine job of not losing the game, threw a pass from the Dallas 11 with 6 minutes left and the Bills up 7 points. All the Bills need there is a field goal! They’d be up 10 with 5 minutes left! Why even call a pass play with a rookie QB making his 2nd start? Why give him the chance to screw up and make a rookie mistake? Of course, he throws the interception and although Dallas didn’t score on that possession, the fact that the Bills DIDN’T score allowed Dallas to stay within striking distance. The Cowboys drove down the field, scored a TD with 20 seconds left but failed to convert the 2-point play. So they were down 2 with 20 seconds left—time for the onside kick. Success! But still, the Cowboys had the ball on their own 42 with no timeouts left. They made it look easy, using the sideline which Buffalo didn’t defend for some reason. Ponderous. Now Dallas takes some momentum and the whole, “We played terribly but still won!” attitude into next week against the Pats. As for Buffalo—from Norwood to this onside kick…let the team go, in fact, hire the moving vans yourselves.